so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
