forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
