these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
there is glitter all over my balls
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