The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
