Im at strip club and am horny
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
