I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
