you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
