he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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