the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
