I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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