I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I've blown a few things in my day
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
