You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
