you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
