Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
