I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
