I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
