hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Randomize
