well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
