I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
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You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
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Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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