Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
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Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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