Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
