We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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