is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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