Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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