How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
