and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you didnt know i had herpes?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
