i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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