i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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