dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
