i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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