I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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