apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
