She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
