walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
