so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
