we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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