im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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