how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
