She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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