barbara walters just said penis...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
