I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
