First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
