Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
