I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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