I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
