Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
That accounts for only three of the penises
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
