dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
