on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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