I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
