i would punch a child for taco bell
i love accidental penises.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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