just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
