My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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