I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
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My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
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Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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