The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
im drinking this country out of the recession.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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