i think my mom watched the whole time
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
