And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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