I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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