I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize