I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
