So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
