Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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