Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Banned from zoo.
Again?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
